7 August 2005

I can understand Mr. Kreider's sympathy for Mr. Nixon. He was an intelligent, complicated man; an actual practitioner of statecraft. He was also crazy and let it go to his head.

Compared to our current President Fuckface, he is downright preferable.

Cordially,

KJK

ktinga.org

KJK:

Mr. Kreider agrees with you regarding former president Nixon. At the end the craziness it always goes to the head. More ulteriorly he is agreed that our current president has a face of the fuck.

Mr. Kreider also wishes in order to ask whether your "Domain Name" is in the reference to a category of the cruiser of the battle of Klingon.

Respect,

C.-H.

11 August 2005

Hello there... i was just wondering if Tim is doing any book signings in the near future in the Manhattan area? I just got his new book and absolutely love it... and want to give a copy to all my friends, so I'm going to order 5 more copies! Yes, I only have 5 friends, but don't let that reflect poorly on Tim's leadership, it's not really his fault.

Anyway, let me know. And if not, well, then just take this as a thanks for that great book... my friends probably don't really deserve signed copies anyway.

Best,

Mark N.

Mark N.:

Mr. Kreider hopes to organize a reading and signing in New York as soon as is possible. While waiting, he suggests you pester the responsible ones at The Universe of Jim Hanley to host a signing. Or you may simply invite Mr. Kreider for beer the next time he is in the city, which it will be this month. I will tell you he will do anything when he is drunk.

Respect,
C.-H.

11 August 2005

I was kind of assuming GW is supposed to be moving his pieces with his elbow while Mr Cheney pretends to take no notice—but usually if that kind of subtle tweak was the intention you would mention it in the artist's statement?

Great one this week with a 4th panel straight out of Doonesbury (is that an insult to you or praise I wonder-- last time I wrote to you

I was saying 'Condition Brown' was my favourite which was probably insulting as it involved no drawing.....)

Keep fighting the good fight

Chris C.

(Jessica M.'s brother)

Chris C.:

Mr. Kreider, he is not so good to project the compositions in advance, thus the elbow of the Bush is out far from him than it should be. Mr. Kreider likes your interpretation that Mr. Cheney allows him to cheat, but it was in his head that Mr. Cheney is irritated by the slowness of the president to take the turn, since he is after all the not-so-good with geopolitics.

He accepts the comparison with Doonesbury with equanimity.

He wishes me to convey his affection to your sister, meaning that this will respect all.

Respect,

C.-H.

11 August 2005

[Ms. Hautpanz received the following link:]

http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45663

Xaoset E.:

Mr. Kreider wishes it for me to thank you for your forward. I could tell it heated his heart cockles to see this drunken worshipper of Satan dance on the tomb of former President Reagan. He was heard to say: "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

Respect,
C.-H.

12 August 2005

Your last comic, showing George Bush vacationing while troops were fighting, is hypocritical. If anything, it is people like you who prolong the pain and agony of your troops overseas (I am Canadian). The terrorists know they cannot win in a direct confrontation with the United States. Therefore their only hope is that there will be dissent among the "ranks" of those back home, on mainland USA.

When you publish comics like that, you foster dissent, which encourages the insurgents and terrorists. If you knew even one iota about military history, you would know that YOU contribute to the killing of American troops far more than George Bush does.

George Bush does not kill American troops. Insurgents and terrorists kill American troops. Insurgents and terrorists, far outgunned, can only win political victories, not military ones. If, on the other hand, you had an attitude like the British when the Germans bombed them in WWII, then you (the United States) would be so much farther ahead. The Brits did not whine that it was all Winston Churchill's fault they were being bombed. They knew it was the Nazis - and they just got on with it, stoicly [sic].

The Germans finally gave up. The terrorists and the insurgents won't give up until people like you shut up.

Tim C.

Tim C.:

Mr. Kreider would ask me to appreciate those who are writing, but unfortunately he is not concerned with your thoughts.

Respect,
C.-H.

15 August 2005

Dear Ms. Hautpanz,

Please let Mr. Kreider know that I bought his book, so he shouldn't feel so blue.

Thank You,

Shannon D.

WannaBeGroupie

Shannon D.,

As I am sure you can tell Mr. Kreider is much sensitive and moody. Last week was not so good, I think because of heat and moreover of his failure ever to exert himself as he is repeatedly urged to do. I am sure that he will appreciate the audience that you have bought his book. This week the weather is fresher and I think his mental prospects are to improve, even if he remains naked.

As far as your desire to become a groupie, you to me could perhaps tell a little more of yourself. Moreover a photograph would be useful. It is important that you not to be an insane person as Mr. Kreider has sure had some unhappy romantic tangles with the lunatic.

Respect,
C.-H.

16 August 2005

Ms. Hautpanz,

Please convey to Mr. Kreider that mental exertion is more exhausting than any exertion of the physical kind, and we are all stretching our brains, trying to wrap them around this whole "Bush Administration" thing that has metastasized itself into our populace. So it's understandable if he must remain naked; it's sweaty work.

Sadly, I'm living quite north of Baltimore, so I can't even spy on Mr. Kreider's nakedness with high-powered binoculars. Even more sadly...I'm not an insane person. Or maybe I am; don't they say that crazy people don't know that they're crazy? The binocular spying is a hobby, not a habit! Hmm.

My sincere thanks to you,

Shannon D.

Shannon D.:

Thanks from Mr. Kreider for your commiseration and your excellent use of the word 'metastasize,' that I know is a favorite of his also. Since the previous time of writing it has cooled and he has dressed and gone to try a turn of the bicycle.

Respect,
C.-H.

16 August 2005

Subject heading: "Thanks for the dedication" [referring to a cartoon dedicated to the man who danced on Reagan's grave]

The feeling is mutual. Naturally, the Satanism thing is bullshit, as is the national contest, as is the "trickle-down effect," as is...you get the idea. Jeezus be with you.

Monte,

A rare occasion when I take over from my beloved intern Ms. C.-H. to answer an e-mail personally. My hat's off to you, sir. You have fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine. My emotions on seeing your dance were akin to what I feel watching astronauts blast off into space. My heart goes with you.

Next goal: disinterment!
Cheers,
Tim Kreider

19 August 2005

Ms. Hautpanz,

It's nice to hear that Mr. Kreider is able to clothe himself again. Strange but true, I was recently discussing Baltimore with a friend of mine who's from there, stating that I'd really like to go down and eat lots of crabs. But I have a feeling that I will be disappointed, just as I was when I went

to Maine expecting lobsters to be crawling along the sidewalks only to discover that I had to go to a store, just like anywhere

else... ridiculous. Are there crabs clinging to the sides of office buildings, like in my fantasies, or should I just save myself the trip?

Enjoy your day,

Shannon D.

Shannon D.:

Mr. Kreider appreciates these terrifying molluscs of which you speak by the dozen, but as far as me, I do not approach them myself. Generally they do not join to lodgings but stir the claws and spessimetri (I do not know the English word?) slowly in great baskets and at times make good their escape and scuttle precipitately across the lawn in a fashion most unpleasant to the beholder. To observe the eating of them is a horror unparalleled, like noticing some rite ancient and unspeakable. Mr. Kreider bids you welcome to divide them with him when you are in the city, but as far as me, I do not participate in this nastiness.

Respect,
C.-H.

24 August 2005

Good morning, Mr. Kreider. I am first going to be unnecessarily sycophantic, and then I will try to make up for it by saying something I think might make me look smart.

The illustration of Scott McClellan in "Cheering News" - the tiny face that appears to be sliding off of a thick, neckless tube, and his teensy weensy mousy hands - made me laugh like a retard for almost five minutes. Going further back, the same applies for every time Jim is depicted as James the Large. For every thoughtful and pertinent cartoon you draw that makes me chuckle and think, there's always one arbitrary thing to fixate on that causes me and my friends to laugh ourselves silly.

On a more relevant note, happy 36%! A few of my more optimistic associates theorize that Bush will break even with Nixon's 25% approval record somewhere around December, which would make for a great Christmas gift for everybody - better even than nuts. I know better, and expect him to drop a few more points, maybe even make it down to 30%, and then happen to be taking a walk with a film crew when suddenly he's forced to save a baby wrapped in the American flag by fistfighting a bear. Documents will later implicate the bear as having been sent by Al-Qaeda for the specific purpose of eating middle-class American children.

I hope I haven't interrupted your very important work with my inanities, sir.

David L.:

It is so significant that Mr. Kreider in this moment receives these messages of encouragement of the readers. He is of a defective condition following the ashamed disappearance of his book, for which he had concealed hopes high and delusional. I went to read him your nice note and to ask him to leave his room, and although he would not leave it he in particular appreciated your pleasant words about his idiotic drawings such as the tiny pudgy hands of Scott McClellan the liar, and James the large one. He also shares your cynical and pessimist assessment of the estimates of the popularity of the president. He agrees with you that he will "rebound behind" a designed photograph or a different war. He transmits to you his thanks for your message.

Additionally I wish to thank you as well. It is not easy to be the intern of Mr. Kreider and it saddens me to see him so, thus the reading of fan mail such as yours is among my few pleasant functions.

Respect,

C.-H.

26 August 2005

Ms. Hautpanz:

I'm afraid that I do not know the English word for "spessimetri" either, as I do not speak...Italian? Portuguese? Latin? Uneducated

American. How can one such as myself or Mr. Kreider indulge in the barbaric ritual of cracking apart the hard shell of a once-living, though admittedly horrific, creature and scraping out its sweet flesh with forks, fingers, and tongues?

It's delicious.

Thank you for your time,

Shannon D.

Shannon,

I have explored for the word. It is the feelers. Small dreadful antennae. English is not my first language. My original tongues are Romanian and Hungarian but I also have of the Czech and of Italian and French.

I am not a vegetarian but I do not relish the dismemberment and the autopsy of the animal, this which I leave to the accredited butchers. I appreciate the taste of the meat of the crab but only in the shape of cake.

Mr. Kreider has the company this evening and they will be coupled in this unpleasant ritual. I do not attend it with interest.

Respect,
C.-H.

27 August 2005

Ms. Hautpanz:

I appreciate your fulfilling my curiosity regarding the meaning of "spessimetri". I'm going to use it every day in conversations with friends and family. I will be sure to visit Baltimore during crab season, just as soon as I find out when crab season is; does "crab season" even exist? Please tell Mr. Kreider that I would very much like to break shells with him.

Thank You,

Shannon