2 August 2006
Please forward this message to Tim.
I don't know what your policy is on taking requests, but I hope you will consider this when you come out of suspended animation this fall.
'The soup' on the E network lampooned Ann Coulter in a clip of her on one of the 24 hour cable news networks, where she makes the comment that Bill Clinton's promiscuity is just his way of hiding his homosexuality.
Maybe she was the first woman to be presented with an honorary PhD. in Psychology from Bob Jones University, I don't know, but hearing her say that has caused me to have a paradigm shift in how I think about her. Up until I heard her say that, I despised anyone on the left or right for giving her free publicity for her book by discussing her controversial statements about 911 widows and whatnot. Clearly, anyone who takes issue with her and has a soapbox to stand on just falls into her trap, ultimately driving up sales of her books. The solution, as far as i was concerned, would be to completely ignore her, thus short-circuiting her marketing approach. Unfortunately, I was the only one on that bandwagon, as the mainstream media outlets are still using her as ratings-fodder.
But the soup clip made me realize that Ann Coulter is the Tom Green of political punditry- she will say or do anything, regardless of who it will offend or if it even makes any kind of sense whatsoever, just so long as someone pays attention to her. (perhaps her parents raised her in an environment where they completely ignored her.)
Anyway, my request, if you even do this sort of thing, is that you publish a cartoon where she is drinking milk straight out of a cow's udder, or some other such Tom Green-ery, to get people to pay attention to her or buy her books or put her on television.
Thanks, (hope you enjoy your vacation)
4 August 2006
A slogan for the next few decades is contained in the following line from that story: "Ms. Morris lost to Sally Cauble, a teacher from Liberal, who has favored a return to traditional science standards.”
"Why don't you believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9-11? Is it because you Hate America?"
"No, it's because I believe in TRADITIONAL SCIENCE STANDARDS."
16 August 2006
We're featuring THE PAIN in our newsletter to librarians and we'd like to get a biography and publicity photo. Please check your page at http://freshfiction.com/author.php?id=13301
17 August 2006
This is the second message. [Mr. Antipas’s first message concerned the Middle East, and was deleted unread.] There's no need to delete it, because I won't mention you know what. Anyway, I still love your comic and Emily Flake's comic, and you have been doing a bit better with putting in more chubby girls. But tell her that she hurt my feelings in her interview with the city paper. I quote:
In fact you did respond very kindly, and even offered to put a few more fat chicks in for me when you got the chance. When I heard you interviewed on the radio about six months ago, you didn't sound anywhere near as effete as I was expecting. In fact, if I had to describe your presentation in one word, that word would be, "courtly." I think I probably offended Emily because I didn't realize that Lulu was a representation of her inner fat girl. After all, they look nothing alike. I didn't really mean that I wanted to find the real Lulu. I realize that she is a cartoon character and I am happily married to my very own wife, and yes she is deliciously chubby. Anyway, I'd tell Emily that myself, but I wouldn't want her to think I was a "stalker". Sheesh!
[Mr. Antipas’s message was forwarded to Ms. Flake, who responded:]
things I have to say about that guy:
1: failed to see that I was NOT putting him in the stalker category, just as an odd emailer
B: [sic ] thought you would be effete
3: fuck him. seriously, fuck him and his prissy feelings and his chubby-chasing weirdassness. He sounds like one of those old hippies who, in reality, is just some douchebag with a grey ponytail.
3 (a). I am a little bit drunk.
anyway. 4 (c): fuck his fat wife.
17 August 2006
Tim (and Co.),
As much as I love our dear Pluto, your notion of 'no takebacks' should be, well, taken back. Keep in mind that the first asteroid ever discovered, named Ceres, was classified as a planet until it was discovered that it was nothing more than an unusually large member of a group of non-planets. Keep in mind, however, that the 2006 redefinition of 'planet', if passed, will officially make this asteroid into a Planet.
PS: If you have a personal interest in the planets, I have found a fascinating (albeit simplified) explanation of how the planets, including the asteroid Ceres, are "placed", distance-wise, from the sun.
23 August 2006
I read and appreciated your NYT op-ed piece about Pluto. I have personally proposed to the astronomical authorities (already forgot the name of that group, sorry) that Pluto be granted the status of "honorary planet", awarded a degree, such as a Doctor of Planetosophy, and pictured in the popular press with a black and purple mortarboard so as to demonstrate our societal commitment to and respect for him. After all, he is a tough, feisty little guy who has survived in a difficult orbit, dragging around a large but apparently useless moon (Can you say "He ain't heavy, father, he's my brother"?) in a cold and dark neighborhood. Perhaps being an "honorary planet" is itself something of a letdown, but it's better than being a "Kuiper Belt object." Let's give him his props and declare him the last of the planets. As for those planetary-wannabes out there, everybody knows they aren't planets and shouldn't be called planets. We can just call them Spaceballs.
Rob Rachlin (after whom no solar system objects have yet been named)
23 August 2006
I understand that Tim Kreider is quirky and irreverent, but I couldn't figure out why, in Tim's most recent cartoon, Clarence Thomas is pictured thinking about a trashy novel in lieu of listening to oral arguments.
I do know that CT received mixed "qualified" and "not qualified" ratings from the ABA prior to being appointed; I am aware of the details of the Anita Hill scandal; and I also know that CT rarely speaks during oral arguments.
Like Tim, I don't agree with most of CT's legal positions, and I think that, given his ABA ratings (among other issues), it's not unreasonable to argue that CT doesn't belong on the Supreme Court. Even so, I think it's absurd to suggest CT would be thinking about such a trashy so-called "Black Lit" novel on the job.
CT would much rather be reading Ayn Rand or Thomas Sowell. Picturing CT reading a book about a black "gang bang" not only brazenly crosses a line, but also makes absolutely no sense. The comic implies he's thuggish, trashy or stupid, and he obviously isn't. He's a conservative (or more precisely, originalist) intellectual. With this comic and its obviously racist implications, Tim is unnecessarily alienating a good portion of his fans.
In the future, Tim should stick to satire that is fact-based.
24 August 2006
To be Forwarded to Mr. Kreider
Or perhaps you can just whisper it in his ear:
I applaud your latest efforts at getting away from the internet, and am much in envy of your enterprising use of talented young women.
Nick G [Nicholas Gurewich, Perry Bible Fellowship]
24 August 2006
Please advise Tim that he now has a new fan. His Op-Ed in the New York Times today is one of the funniest things I have ever read.
I would be clever about this, but I'd never be able to keep up.
So please - and I can't believe I'm actually requesting this - add me to whatever kind of mailing list you guys have. I want to be able to laugh like that every day of my life - or at least on some other random Thursday.
And if you don't have a mailing list, please just accept my sincere appreciation.
Nancie S. Martin, Central Park West
24 August 2006
Is that a bugle I see in the chip category of the food torus? You're a fucking genius.
24 August 2006
Your Pluto article in the new york times was genius. I get personal about Pluto too. I'm a children's singer/songwriter based in Chicago. And today the Scientists killed my song "nine planets" which I wrote several years ago for a 4 year old whose favorite planet was Pluto… Hannah is the four year old who asked me to write it and I'm sure you know who Clyde is. Thanks again for your eloquent defense of Pluto.
Nine Planets (from the cd Not Naptime)
24 August 2006
"Planets, like Supreme Court justices, are appointed for life, and you can’t blithely oust them no matter how eccentric, skewed or unqualified they may prove to be. If they could kick out Pluto, I warned, they could do it to anything, or anyone."
Yes! After almost 70 years, what's the big rush to eliminate a planet? These guys have far too much time on their hands. It 1.orbits around the sun, and 2.has a moon, for goodness' sake. Just leave well enough alone.
James G. Bogle, Jr.
Senior Assistant Attorney General, Columbia, SC
24 August 20006
Do not be sad but rejoice - millions of astrologers are fuming in anger.
25 August 2006
I share Tim Kreider's pain ("I Love Pluto," NYT, Aug. 23). Imagine how I, other Christophers and fellow travelers felt when the Vatican dropped Saint Christopher from its list of saints.
25 August 2006
No planethood for Pluto! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I'm GLAD Pluto isn't considered a planet anymore! I've been against it since I was at high school. Pluto should never have been considered a planet in the first place. That's what happens when wishful thinking wins out over science.
Now let's put the world's nuclear arsenal to good use and steer Pluto into the Sun before it gets promoted again.
Sorry Tim, but that's been bugging me for 25 years. Fucking jumped-up asteroid.
Hope you're well. Come back soon!
28 August 20006
DEAR MRS. HAUTPANNS:
WHER IS MR. KRIEDOR? ME AND IRMA MISS HIS NICE PICHERS OF OUR PRESDENT.
WE HOPE MR. KRIDER'S BROKEN HIATUS DOESN'T HURT TOO MUCH. IRMA'S PA HAD ONE AND IF YOU PUT YOUR EAR TO IT YOU COUD HEAR IT GURGLE AFTER HE ATE CHILI.
SINED, A FAN