February 2007

February 2007

1 February 20007

You’ve been talking about quitting the strip a lot lately and its worrying me. What are you going to do otherwise? Office work?

No. that's not for you. Keep the strip going.

I do hear you about lack of compensation and recognition, so I understand your willingness to chuck it. I don't want you to.

For what it's worth, I love your strip. Signing statements included. Your strip is the tinsel in the dog turd. It helps me out just like it helps you, turning humor onto the ridiculous stuff that's going on.

but I'm not paying for them, am I? I don't have any money or power to give you. Just words.

The Man doesn't have to answer any questions any more, just outlast the questioner. He got all the money. We don't. Is it ever going to be any different?

Do rich people read your strip? You make it unpalatable for (most of) them on purpose, then bitch that it doesn't make you any money?

Whatever. Do whatever. You probably found something better to do on your extended sabbatical last year. Do that if cartooning sucks so bad.

Just stop bitching about things that you have complete control over.

...and is totally yours, creatively and personally.

"If you can't find yourself, who's conducting the search?"

-Robert Anton Wilson (who died poor)

Robert

Robert:

I passed your words of encouragement and the reproach above to Mr. Kreider. Indeed, The Man is insurmountable and the rewards are little, thus the words of the readers mean much with him. It no doubt will encourage him to think of his work like "golden braids in the crap of a dog." Although I inform you from a regrettable experiment that "the hard love" is not a stratagem successful with him. Always the surliness and to weep.

It is certainly true that Mr. Kreider is badly matched for employment in any sector other than the art. He has recently much occupied himself with the writing for publication. But it is not very profitable that he will ever give up the drawing. Not to expect the plangent railing and feeling sorry for himself to end, however. They are the manner with him.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

2 February 2007

Ms. Hautpanz,

Please pass on to your supervisor my compliments.  At times it seems he feels underappreciated and I want to let him know that his work is read and loved by yours truly.  A year or two ago a friend sent me the Norse God comic, which prompted me to read The Pain Archives in its entirety and to read each comic since then as it comes out.  I wish I had been aware of his work starting at the time that El Jive Bastardo was elected by the supreme court back in 2001 or whenever.  It would have saved me from many unhappy times since then, when I thought that no one except my close friends (and David Rees) had a fucking clue what was going on.

717 days from now things may start looking up slightly.  Until then please tell him to keep on keepin' on.

--David from Boston

David Kimball:

We thank you for your encouraging words in this dark time. It is true that Mr. Kreider is easily discouraged and the pleasant remarks of his readers profit him immeasurably, although they do not want to go as far as the affections of the groupies.

It is a falsity that it is only you and your friends and David Rees who see the truth. All see it but are cows who fear to speak. It is the tale of The Emperor in His Underwear; Mssrs. Kreider and Reese are the children deprived of tact who specify the obvious truth.

Mr. Kreider counts the days with you, although he shares little of your optimism that the matter can improve considerably. He also submits that the correct in Spanish would be "el Pavo jive." I do not know this idiom.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

2 February 2007

Dear Tim Kreider,

   No doubt you have been e-mailed by a few ten dozen people (mostly in the 13-to-27 year old stoner cliche) to do a comic on the crazy fiasco in Boston. And, since I too enjoy the cannabis and odd, random-ass cartoons, I too would like to hear your opinion on this subject either in your next comic and/or statement. I'm certain that with your darkly, disturbed sense of humor will make things alot easier for Peter Berdovsky (A caucassian with massive dreadlocks?) and Sean Stevens as they sit awaiting trial.

Chris Shively:

In general Mr. Kreider does not address the stories of the day, preferring to devote his attention to "the big picture," as with his weekly deadline he is likely to be "scooped" by his bitter rivals The Onion. (He refers you to their man-on-the-street interviews on this subject.) If you are interested, his general impression is that it is simply more stupidity in the domestic hysteria about the terrorism which will never have any useful consequence other than the unjustified imprisonment of the one with the gigantic "hair of fear."

He invites you to continue in the extraordinary nicotinism of the cannabis and the reading of the unimportant literature of youth.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

3 February 2007

OK, just pass this to Tim...

 

Bush as Aquaman. Heh, heh, heh. Now that is a cool idea, for as all civilized men and women do know, Aquaman is indeed the LAMEST SUPERHERO EVER. How very appropriate for the LAMEST PRESIDENT EVER.

Now, Cheney, on the other hand....he'd be more like Namor, the Sub-Mariner. A serious hardass, that one.

Later,

Marty Fuller

Marty Fuller:

On the contrary, Mr. Kreider always liked Aquaman at the beginning, when he was very young, because Aquaman was fair and had a good relationship with the animals and also because his costume was easily imitated at the house. Mr. Kreider felt sorry for him because his powers were "lame," calling for the aid of the giant sea-horse and his brother-of-the-sea, the squid. Later he came to admire him because he suspects that he joins the Woman of Wonder in the "mile-in-the-sky club" on her transparent aircraft.

It is true that Mr. Cheney, like Prince Namor, is single and pitiless. However, Mr. Cheney misses the charisma completely of the Under-Sailor. With his agitated vengefulness, his covetousness of the rule, and his preference to remain hidden because of his grotesque facial disfiguration, he does not resemble anybody other than the Sovereign of Latveria, Dr. Doom.

Respect,

C.H.

P.S. This is to me all without significance because I do not know about the American boys' books to which you refer. I take the dictation of Mr. Kreider.

 

3 February 2007

I forgot to mention if you take my offer and crash here, all I want in exchange is for you to autograph my collection of your books, preferably something obnoxious.  Also I built a cannon that can sink a boat at 100 yards.  When my beloved 3-legged dog slips his mortal coil, I plan a full Viking funeral helped along by said cannon, and a bunch of bottle-rockets.

 

Ed Weidemann

 

5 February 2007

Dear Mr. Kreider, Ms. Hautpnz:

Your Iraq caricature makes as usual many sense.  There it's better customs for money then war. 

Most confuse was the reference to a Fritos.  The familiar Google wanted to fall me to pages of happy men with yellow baggage.  I guess that drinking men are satisfied to find this a snack food.  I thought you perhaps will love hagelslag: traditional lots of chocolate-snippers that the Dutch shower on their bread.  But mostly 'patatje oorlog' - to be "french fries war" -  french fries with mayonaise and saté-sauce. Also ‘patat speciaal’ is french fries, mayonnaise, ketchup and raw onions.  After the drinking (to the sidewalk), men stagger for order and to eat late's night.

Eet smakelijk.

Mahault K.

Apple Dumplin:

Mr. Kreider thanks you for your suggestions as he seeks the knowledge of harmful dining options for the drunk of many nations. He does not drink any more like he once did, but his palate is no more refined. He only amuses less. It is a thing to be regretted.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

6 February 2007

Tim,

You're quite right about the present mediocre grounds for political humour; I'm glad you're not tending to blame it on burnout, and it all seems quite creative and to-standard from where I'm reading.  (Which is Canada, which probably helps.)  Anyway... given how bleak the last 6 years have been, it's tough to be a politically hyperactive citizen anywhere, let alone in a country that seems to have quasi-permanently embraced some sort of cultural conservatism; I must confess, in spite of the optimistic NYRB article to the contrary, I do still buy into an 'exceptionalist conservative' historical interpretation of modern America, have since 2004. 

But... whether that thesis is correct or not, the US did still throw up JQ Adams, Lincoln, FDR, Kennedy, Carter, Clinton - it threw up so many half-decent political leaders that noone even thought the country was totally insane till '04.  It's possible that pessimists today are as wrong now as we were in the 90s when we laughed at the stupid, hapless Republicans.  If the Democratic congress can survive, if a Democrat gets into the White House, we might even see a movement of the political culture in a better direction much sooner than we ever expected.

It's moving and important that there are still advocates for human decency in US politics and your cartoon probably communicates that a lot more effectively than some silly coffee table book of apologies to the world.  And, as I've sure you've been told before, the authors' statements are also not too shabby either if you ever get sick of drawing.  The one about Reagan is a personal fave for my "apolitical" friends to whom Reagan is just a smiling old ex-politician as opposed to a malevolent bloodstained criminal bastard.

Thanks for your work,

Jason Townsend

Halifax

Jason Townsend,

We thank you for your pleasant words. Mr. Kreider is happy of knowing that he presents a humane face to the external world to recall to them that not all his compatriots are the hysterical fanatics and imbeciles. (The mother of Mr. Kreider is Canadian, which explains his extreme courtesy.) He agrees with you that America is basically more conservative than other Western nations, perhaps because all of the religious fanatics of Europe were driven out and found asylum there, or because their insulation protects them from the horrors of medicine socialized and the abolition of the capital punishment. He gives little of hope for improvement even if a democrat carries out the election. He recognizes that his empire is in decline but this, he believes, is when all orgies happen.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

7 February 2007

Dear Mr. Kreider,

As a British citizen, I am eternally glad that I don't have to make the kind of the political decisions that you and other Americans have to make. That said, my own country is lead by the kind of sycophant that other sycophants envy for the tightness of their lips, so what the fuck right do I have to bitch about your political system.

Anyways, I greatly enjoy "The Pain" and hope that, even if though drawing the comic may prove as difficult as it did the first week of February 2007, you continue doing whatever it is you do that repeatedly ensures that I soil my trousers every Wednesday.

Yours faithfully,

M Davies.

M Davies:

Always Mr. Kreider is gratified to hear from readers abroad. Alas, all political decisions that he undertakes are ignored by the current government. If they paid the attention to him they would not have invaded Iraq. He has as little effect on his government as you make on yours, or as Persians or the Chinese make on theirs. All our chiefs are the terrorists and the people their hostages.

Mr. Kreider hopes to cause you to continue to dirty your trousers on a weekly basis on other side of the sea.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

10 February 2007

Had another thought  Cheney driving across country in diapers to shoot an old man in the face.

 

Original message

 

Dude, take it easy.  Remember monsieur Gran Lebowski.  You need to take it easy for all us sinners.   You're trying to make a huge statement in the midst of a hubris apocalypse.  Believe me, I know politics, social issues, war, greed, and yes, pure evil, and I'm as outraged as you at the shitstorm Cap'n Bush intentionally steered us into, but damn, you're not going to be the one to save us, and neither am I.   Center yourself take a deep breath and get back to that snide, cruel, and beautiful social sniper that you're really good at.  Yes, I know I just dangled a preposition, but it's an e-mail for fuck's sake.

 

Your work is actually pretty appreciated by me and my types.  We are the older liberals, forged in the breathtakingly horrible crucible of Ronald Wilson Reagan (six letters in each, 666, ever notice that?), and probably like Germany, circa 1942, we believed that even thinking against the machine, we'd be the next ones against the wall. . . Well shit, you were there, you remember it (the eighties part).  Anyway, your art and commentary is incredibly important.  It's a super-secret note passed at the back of the class letting us know there is at least one other person out there who feels as we do.   I grew up in a tiny farming community in Illinois and my closest friend was the ONLY gay guy at our school.  It's not really hyperbole to suggest that if he came out, we would have found his body tied to a fence some morning.   That's how I feel about my commie-pinko liberal beliefs and notions that we're descending into a religious right wing catastrofuck.  They are a secret that must be kept.   Your work allows me to know that there is one other person out there who thinks drinking the Kool-Ade might be a bad idea.  You'd think that right now I'd be feeling better that the wheels are clearly coming off the Bush Regime.   But, before I gave it up as cruel and unnecessary, I used to hunt, and a cornered animal is the most crazy, desperate and unpredictable thing in the world.   I think you're feeling that too.  The thought that they have actually injected the cobalt-thorium g into something and buried it is almost enough to make you just say fuck it, I'm gonna get drunk.

 

Now is when we need a sarcastic imp pointing to hubris and folly.  You excel at this.  People have accused me of being an optimist (I bitterly deny this claim), because I believe that if we calmly proceed, bearing all facts in mind, we will probably survive.   People like Lee Greenwood, Jerry Falwell, and Darth Cheney don't think this way, or at least don't want us to think this way.  It cuts in to their margin.   Just remind people that those douche-bags are the ones who got us here.  There is a rich vein of ore to be found in the mocking of Jerry Falwell, Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Cheney, dumb-ass rednecks.   Just find their points of hypocrisy, and point it out. 

 

For me, booze is an excellent lubricant for creation, I come up with great ideas in that 4-8 drink range.  Conversely, I have found opiates are terrible for idea generation.   Don't get me wrong, I loves the poppy, but only as a reward after I got 5-10 good ideas on paper.  By the way I have come up with an excellent way to extract the codeine from the OTC pain relievers here in this mystic land of Canada.  Tastes like a bar of soap, but whoo, nice effect.  Another hilarious thing about Canada is they have porn (after 11 p.m.) on normal channels, so you have a scene of some chick getting rammed that's interrupted by a commercial for Werther's candy.   Hilarious.  Also Absinthe; it's costly but it's here.  I tried some weird thing of mixing absinthe and codeine extract, imaging myself in some 18 th century opium den, not really sure how well it worked.  Probably a good sign.  I do remember that the haughty nose of "bar of soap" really clashed with the tawny putrescence of wormwood to create a sensation not unlike felching a bum, but hey where is learning without pain?  

 

I live in my Mom's summer house on the shore of Lake Erie (in Canada), looking disdainfully at Buffalo across the water.  Winter sucks, but summer is nice, and Lake Erie really isn't as bad as it seems.  Know that you have a safe-house here if you need it.  My dad was an architect and he built into this place a studio so he could work at the beach.   It's yours if you want it.  The only people who know my cell phone number are my mom, my ex-girlfriend, and my kayaking partner, but here it is 716 308 0129.   Use it if you need it. 

 

To sum up, remember what worked in the beginning, gleefully mocking the evil fuckers around you.  None of them deserve mercy.   They have willfully and knowingly manipulated and harmed the stupid sheep in their sway.  Those sheep deserve to be mocked too, never forget that.  

 

Things that I like and might amuse you;

The Venture Brothers (Cartoon Network, the same guys who brought Boston to stasis with Lite-Brites)

Keith Olbermann

Mystery Science Theater 3000

Building Sten submachine guns out of surplus parts from WWII

Alternately loving NASA for what they were and hating them for what they have become; but I still have hope

Pointless, yet hilarious acts of civil and social disobedience

Bonsai

David Cross

 

We're on the same page re. the Coen Bros., Kubrick, excellent food, disastrous forays into the opposite sex, B Kliban, and fear and loathing of the guys in charge.   As an aside what about a Kilban-esqe series starring Bush, Rice, whoever, along the lines of Cornish Game Clams or The Turk?  Might be something there.

 

Here if you need me,

Ed Weidemann

Ed Weidemann,

Thanks for your kind words. I like your description of my work as a "super-secret note passed in the back of class." Any moment it will be confiscated and read aloud in front of the class. Verty amusing, Mr. Kreider. I guess you'd like to take a little trip to the Vice-Principal's office.

Actually I already live in a family vacation house on the Chesapeake Bay in the warm months. It sounds like our existences are similar ones. I don't have any heavy weaponry though, and of course there are no naked ladies on TV here. I've seen a sten gun in the Ordnance Museum at Aberdeen Proving Ground. By expert consensus, it is the homeliest weapon ever manufactured.

You should check out what the Mars Rovers have been up to. It'll cheer you up about NASA.

pancam.astro.cornell.edu

You won't catch those rovers driving across the country in diapers to pepper-spray romantic rivals. They have dignity.

Tim

 

14 February 2007

Dearest Tim,

Jessica Simpson is known to me as the woman who is dating John Mayer.  I come by this information via his creepy fans.  You see, I was attending his concert in Oklahoma City (you'll recall I live in Texas, and even I have to get out of this state once in awhile.  As to why John Mayer... well, I have a vagina.  I regret nothing.) and many of the women were speaking of Miss Simpson.  Turns out she has been attending Mr.Mayer's concerts since they are dating, and the women were all saying that if they saw her, they would kick her ass.  It was sort of disturbing.

Oklahoma City is nice though.  The drivers are much politer than I am used to.

Also, I think Miss Simpson was Daisy Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard movie, which I have not had the pleasure to see myself.

By the way, good job as usual on the comic this week.  I am amused to note that you feel about William Wegman exactly as I and several of my friends feel about Thomas Kinkade, the Painter of Light. I imagine that they will probably share a small, cramped room in Hell together when they die.

Yours always,

Stacy

Stacy:

Neither Mr. Kreider nor I knows who is John Mayer, thus your explanation only "panhandles the question." However Mr. Kreider says to me that he knows about these "dukes of the considerable risk," thus this helps to elucidate this somewhat embarrassing matter.

Mr. Kreider is aware of Thomas Kinkade the painter of the light. The reason why he chose William Wegman for death above him is that Kinkade is a creator of kitsch, taken seriously only by the insipid ones, while Wegman has the unexplainable reputation within the world of art.

Mr. Kreider did not forget your pleasant offer of oral sex.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

19 February 2007

Ms. Phelatia Czochula-Hautpanz

Please extend my warmest greetings to Mr.. Kreider, I so do love his work. You see I am an aspiring (I'm not sure if aspiring is the right word, maybe settling.) Political cartoonist. I draw a weekly strip for my school's newspaper and due to living in the middle of the South (capitial S for slack-jawed mind you.) I induce little constructive critisim, so I wanted to know if Mr. Kreider had and pearls of wisdom for a member of the mindless herd.

Sincerely

Ben S. Passmore

PS I also Have a website, if one would feel so inclined to use the internet for something other than porn or Wikipedia.

myspace.com/wtfy

Ben,

Ms. C.-H. passed your message on to me, feeling it was something I should reply to personally. I do like to offer what aid and encouragement I can to younger colleagues since I never got any myself and it's generally such an unrewarding pursuit. Do not underestimate the demoralizing effect of this. Money doesn't buy happiness but it doesn't seem to make most people very sad, either. I personally know nobody who earns a living from cartooning, except maybe Ted Rall. Most of my colleagues have day jobs or are supported by spouses. I myself live off an inheritance. I make twenty dollars a week for my cartoon. If this figure shocks you, it should. It is insultingly low. If I were syndicated more widely I'd be making more, but not a whole lot more--certainly not enough to live on. I've given up on getting my strip into more alternative weeklies because they're all already running Ted Rall or Tom Tomorrow and they really aren't looking for another political cartoonist to fill that particular niche. (Of course, I am more easily demoralized than a cartoonist should be.) At this point I am running on habit and sheer cantankerousness: I am not going to quit before George Bush does. If you're aiming to get into alternative weeklies, regularly sending postcards of your work to editors is supposed to be a good way of reminding them that you're out there reliably producing work, although actually this has never worked for me. The only way I've ever gotten into a new paper has been when a new editor who already liked my work took over. I’ve found that editors are quick to respond to e-mails, which are less easily ignored than letters and less intrusive than phone calls.

If you want to get into family dailies, however, I do occasionally have beers with a guy who's in some fairly high position at King Features Syndicates, which syndicates all the comic strips to newspapers in the U.S. So maybe I can be of some use there by giving you contact information, guidelines, etc, or mentioning your work to him. He's a friend of a friend, not a friend of mine, so I'm not promising anything, but I'm happy to do what I can.

I hesitate even to mention this since it's the sort of topic that I, as someone with no claim to minority outside of left-handedness, should probably not touch with a ten-foot pole, but if you are in fact black, as your focus on racial issues and e-mail address suggest, this might give you some slight initial advantage in getting your work looked at, for the same reason that being a female cartoonist garners at least some initial notice: there are so few of them. I'm certainly not suggesting you ought to play it up as an issue in your art any more than it naturally is one in your life and opinions, but advantages of any kind are rare enough in cartooning and if this one were mine I would take it the same way I'd exploit being a beautiful girl if I were lucky enough to be one. I offer this advice in the same tentative and highly ambivalent spirit that I once told a female friend of mine who was doing some autobiographical cartoons about having had breast cancer that if she really wanted to market herself as the Breast Cancer Cartoonist, she'd probably do pretty well for herself. She declined, which I admired. Recently some talentless New Yorker cartoonist did a book about breast cancer which was a best-seller and was immediately optioned by Hollywood for one kajillion dollars.

What else can I tell you? My experience in cartooning has been frustrating. I don't make any money at it and I'm not as well-known as I think I should be. I secretly kind of think I should be as rich and famous as Jon Stewart, and have as many groupies. On the other hand, I get a steady stream of e-mails and letters from people around the world who tell me that my work makes them laugh and helps them to get through these dark times. That's worth a lot, although I've never been much impressed by intangible rewards (one reason I don't have children). It is kind of a fun thing to be able to tell people you do at parties. I have had one groupie, who was excellent.

In my experience, it's important for an artist to have talent and to work very hard and consistently at what they do. (I am talented but undisciplined. By contrast, my friend Myla Goldberg, author of the novel Bee Season, writes nine to five, Monday through Friday.) Self-promotion is frankly repulsive but it is, regrettably, at least as indispensable to success as these other two qualities. (I'm sure you can think of way more successful artists who are mediocre but relentless self-promoters than are reclusive geniuses who happened to be discovered.) But perhaps more important than any of these is luck. I wish you plenty.

Tim

P.S. Shit. I almost forgot the most important thing to tell you. Since you're never ever going to make any money or a name for yourself or get any women from being a cartoonist, it had better goddamn well be fun. Always draw the cartoon you want to draw, not the one you think you should (the one that makes the important political point that ought to be made, the one that'll please your readers, that you think will win the Pulitzer, whatever). I just saw my friend Alex Robinson, author of the graphic novels "Box Office Poison" and "Tricked," and he showed me a new story he's working on [http://members.aol.com/LowerRegions] that consists entirely of A HOT BARBARIAN CHICK KILLING ONE MONSTER AFTER ANOTHER. No dialogue: she kills one monster, there's another monster. In one panel her dwarf companion gets set on fire and you see his skeleton showing through a mass of flames. Later she brings him back to life with a healing potion in a bottle that has a little death's head with an X over it on the label. Alex says it's the most fun he's had drawing since he was twelve.

Sorry I was such a bringdown earlier. That's my real advice: have a fucking blast.

P.P.S. Now having second thoughts about my advice RE race, which may or may not be relevant and is a touchy issue besides. Please strike it from the record. I am just a jive honky who does not know what he is talking about.

21 February 2007

Dear Tim "Jive Honkey" Kreider,

Thanks so much for your comments and advice, the race card included. Like I said I don't recieve a whole lot of feedback on my work down here or even a lot of adive on how to look for work, most guys here just want to just draw Spiderman their whole lives (awesome though he is.). I apprecaited your candidness about my formulaic Dilbert style punchlines, I've noticed that my comics have been missing a certain bite due to too much sweet tea and npr maybe. And of course My shit spelling (thanx public school!) Also, I would very much appercaite any help in terms of syndicates (comics, crime, or otherwise.)that would feel gracious enough to give me. I have to admit that I do feel a little daunted when I think about how little most cartoonists make, particularly after four years and a few thousand dollars later, But it is what I love to do.

thanx for the inspiration!

Ben "Totally willing to pull the race card" Passmore

 

 

22 February 2007

Congratulations!! Up until now, you could be considered a skeezer for lusting after younger women; now, it's out and out official! You ARE a skeezer for trying to get with anyone under 30! Even 30 is skirting the line! And if you have to buy her a bunch of stuff to get her to sleep with you, you graduate to "pathetic skeezer". Yeah! A man in his 30's, he could buy a 21 year old a bunch of stuff to get her to sleep with him, and that's just "the natural order". But now, in your 40's?  Disgusting, ewwwww. Also, in less than 10 years, the AARP will be mailing you invites to become a junior member.  Happy Birthday!

Wishing you great fun on your major life evaluation,

your friend,

Aimie

 

no, really, men in their 40's are hot and distinguished. And everyone expects them to chase teenagers, it's no big deal. I'm just guessing you may have to spend less money on pants and more on sparkley cell phones, or whatever passes as "gifts" for kids these days.  Para Bems!

Aimie C.:

I make sure from a tiring personal experiment that Mr. Kreider is relentless with his lecherous pursuit for the young people. He is insensible of his aspect of ageing and the unworthiness of his behavior. I fear only the senescence will intimidate his covetousness. He is not very likely to buy the cellular telephones for the young people no matter what arrives, which may condemn to oblivion his chances of the jejune "savour of the poon."

Let us thank you for your malevolent birthday wishes.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

23 February 2007

funny...I was going to celebrate my 50th (two weeks ago) the same way.....suicide.

I hope you're still here, tho....

 

Jeff Socorso,

The official birthday of Mr. Kreider does not take place until Sunday but up to now he has abstained from the suicide. On his behalf I thank you for your concern and invite you to continue to live for as long as he.

Respect,

C.-H.

 

24 February 20007

Here is a letter I recently sent to a Mel who posted in The Smirking Chimp [NOTE: Pain readers may wish to skim]:

 

Hi Mel,

 

Someone who would like to peg me as a Republican right wing "nutcase" sent me your article, "Ted Haggard and the S.S.A.D. ‘Ex-Gay’ Fraud" from the Smirking Chimp website. I can see why. Your article feeds his unwarranted fears and preconceived ideas. It is the classic straw man argument. Jesus Christ is not, however, represented by the "religious right." You cannot knock Him and His words down by setting up those that are not His spokespersons and knocking them down. And while religious hypocrites like Haggard and Dobson are not right, neither are you.

 

It is true that aversion therapy and all other man-made techniques to reform homosexuality do not change a person’s basic nature. They cannot do so because they do not address the underlying problem and sin nature. That goes for all sins and all people. I was a fornicator, born that way, and nothing but the grace of God through Jesus Christ could change me from within. I can say that because I have experienced the change by Him that was impossible for me to perform, no matter how hard I tried. The same goes for homosexuals. They cannot change themselves, and other people also cannot do it for them.

 

Therefore, homosexuals are not to be condemned for being homosexuals. Where condemnation comes in is when homosexuals call their sin wholesome and approved by God, and become nasty and belligerent when anyone refers to the clear teaching of the Bible and says otherwise. This is your sin.

 

So, while you are right to say that men cannot reform themselves, you are wrong to say that God cannot. This is also your sin. Homosexuals are among other sinners that are called to repentance because they need to be, and can be, reformed by God. Here is the testimony:

 

"Don't you know that wicked people won't inherit the kingdom of God? Stop deceiving yourselves! People who continue to commit sexual sins, who worship false gods, those who commit adultery, homosexuals, or thieves, those who are greedy or drunk, who use abusive language, or who rob people will not inherit the kingdom of God. That's what some of you were! But you have been washed and made holy, and you have received God's approval in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 GW).

 

For me to say that homosexuality is sin is not discrimination. It is fact. Because I say it is sin does not mean that I discriminate against homosexuals. To conclude so is a false accusation, inducing anger, belligerence, paranoia, and hysteria in those such as the man who sent me your writing. You have been irresponsible with your mouth and with your pen, all to protect your cherished sins. This is not good, to say the least, Mel.

 

You are also wrong to conclude that Jesus said nothing about homosexuality. He said this:

 

"Heaven and earth may disappear, but I promise you that not even a period or comma will ever disappear from the Law. Everything written in it must happen" (Matthew 5:18 CEV).

 

What is written in the Law? You know:

 

"You may not have sex relations with men, as you do with women: it is a disgusting thing" (Leviticus 18:22 BBE).

 

Did Jesus come to do away with the Law, as you suggest or hope?:

 

"Don't ever think that I came to set aside Moses' Teachings or the Prophets. I didn't come to set them aside but to make them come true" (Matthew 5:17 GW).

 

You make other insipid arguments that do not hold water. Read Are Any Laws of God Outdated or Outmoded Today? You would do well to avail yourself of our site to read what the Lord Jesus Christ does say about many things. These are things of which you are entirely ignorant but you talk anyway, along with so many others that do not know what they are talking about, chattering like the chimpanzees your friend thinks refers to others, filling the atmosphere with hateful noise. You love to condemn others for judging but just what are you people doing? The problem is not that you judge, but that you unrighteously judge, perverted by serving sinful self-interest.

 

How about posting my letter and your answer on your blogs, people? Let’s have this out of the closet, out in the open, for everyone to see. You take pride in being out of the closet with your sins; how about coming out of the closet to hear the truth?

 

Paul Cohen

www.thepathoftruth.com

Paul Cohen:

I have skimmed your rantings and brought back the "essence" of it to Mr. Kreider. Regrettably he has no interest in the thoughts of the lunatics of Christ. He wishes you well in your pursuit of the truth and to abstain from the fornication.

Resepect,

C.-H.