3 July 2007
Have you guys seen this?
- "I respect the jury's verdict. But I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive," Bush's statement read. "Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Mr. Libby's sentence that required him to spend 30 months in prison."
Bush brazenly announcing "fuck you, laws!" for the nth time. There's no other way for me to wrap my mind around this and every other thing he's done in a similar vein: this incredible fucker honestly, earnestly believes that he is the King of America. And I guess he might as well be, for everything that'sbeen done to stop him.
3 July 2007
I just got back from Croatia, and I can confirm that airing the belly is fairly popular with the rotund Croatian construction workers and other surly types. From far away they look like they're wearing tube tops, which is hilarious and disturbing at the same time.
Also, your Cecil County specimen in the same panel appears to have been modeled on Ed, my former neighbor in Charlestown. Nice enough guy, worked at the Charlestown Marina, appeared to be experimenting with a living roof (cedar shingles slowly being absorbed by moss).
The clipping from Barhopper Magazine is pure gold. Does that guy really have fangs coming out of his lip? The leering girl will haunt me for a long time, both the photo and your interpretation. But how could you leave out the guy at the bottom giving the eyes closed, about to fall over thumbs-up, sort of like a redneck Vitruvian Man?
Finally, is E. Ralph still ranting about Watermelon Marxists? I need to look him up.
3 July 2007
Europe, July 5th, 2007
Dear Ms. Czochula-Hautpþnz,
I have the following message to Mr. Kreider. Please forward it to him if you believe it will make him feel better; otherwise, you may discard it. I apologize for grammatical errors, as English is not my native language.
Dear Mr. Kreider,
Let me begin by expressing my admiration at your cartoons and your drawing skills, but also at your weekly Artist's Statements. Particularly your renderings of yourself strike a chord with me; my favorite so far (though the choice is difficult) is "Why didn't I fuck that librarian?"
But on to more serious issues. Through all the humor I get the distinct impression that you are severely depressed; and though I do not claim to know your problems, I can offer you a tale of my own--a cautionary tale, so to speak. Let me also tell that I have been depressed and suicidal myself, and hospitalized for it, so I will try to avoid the meaningless pep talk that came to my direction too often.
Several years ago, I started going to jiujitsu trainings. The senior trainer of our club, whom I will call Philip for convenience, was our Grand Old Man of judo and jiujitsu, having given training for thirty-five years. He was a robust gentleman with gray hair and hazel eyes; a father figure for many, and a symbol of strength to us all. When he instructed us, all obeyed him and did their best, not because they feared him of wanted to brown-nose to him, but to show their appreciation and learn from his example.
Which was, perhaps, the key to Philip's ruin. For he was also a very sensitive man, who cared a great deal what others thought of him, and was terrified at displaying any weakness. As the years went by and he passed the age of sixty, he became less able to give instruction with the fierceness of his youth. In his mind, a fear began to grow that he would become a burden for the people he loved; a fear that became, if never a self-fulfilling prophecy, certainly a vicious cycle that fed on itself. Until one day, to my shock, I heard he had been admitted to the hospital's psychiatric ward, suffering from clinical depression.
Shocked, I thought back at all those times that I should have seen the warning signs in Philip. His lack of presence during training, when he stared thoughtfully at the floor with little regard to his students; and his unexplained absences.
The final shock came just over a year ago, when a good friend of mine came to me, a grave look on his face, to inform me that Philip was dead. Soon I learned that he had been released from the hospital to attend a party of his daughter, and had used this opportunity to commit suicide by jumping from a bridge. A few days later, his funeral was attended by some 400 people. Thus Philip became a victim of his own mind, which convinced him he was a worthless fellow who would be less of a burden when dead and cremated.
What am I trying to communicate here? I believe you share at least two traits with the late Philip: first, you are loved by many people, most of them from a distance; second, you have a certain sensitivity that makes you feline, hard to domesticate, and a great artist (a martial artist in his case); without this sensitivity, you would be just another drone.
Is pain, then, the lifelong fate of the artist? I don't know, and I cannot offer any solutions to whatever your problem or entanglement is. I can only tell this cautionary tale, with no intent on lecturing you or manipulating you with guilt. I will not say: "the world needs men like you," for the world really does not care. I do.
Mr. Kreider's reply to this letter is not made public. -C.-H.
5 July 2007
Ok, now, I've just gone through the letters archive here and found out that the good (?) folks at the City Paper pay you a princely $20 a week. (Dramatic pause while I work up some outrage....)
Damn, no wonder you're feeling so miserable lately. I'm not that familiar with the Springsteen song you've quoted, but I do know his work generally. Myself, I think some of Bob Seger's work exemplifies my mood better.
As to Madison Square Garden / Penn Station, I too have gone to New York via (yech!) Amtrak. I too have seen that ridiculous drumlike building atop the train station. If it gives you any comfort, the evil geniuses at Cablevision / Paramount / CBS / Madison Square Garden / whoever the fuck owns it this week are planning a new one on the present site of the US Post Office next door.
I might have more eventually, not sure yet, have to work Saturday blah blah....
5 July 2007
Dear Mr. Kreider,
I am an avid reader of your comics and am sorry to hear of your current indisposition. I hope the fact that there are people in Malaysia who follow and enjoy your comics can lighten your heart. I love your work because it possesses the peculiar quality of making me laugh and be disgusted with myself for laughing, at the same time. You Sir have the gifts of being not only a great artist, but also being eloquent and having a deeper insight into the American political system than most people. You are and should continue to put this to good use through your works, as they are more insightful and, in most cases, unfortunately more correct in assessing the goings on in the world today than most mass-news and media corporations. I share your empathy with ex-presidents Nixon and Clinton, as they were most astute gentlemen, with personality flaws such as paranoia and promiscuity respectively, which in my mind just made them more human and down-to-earth. Of the current president and his family in general, I do not wish to speak here as I do not wish to go into a lengthy rant, and become upset in the process. So please continue to create your oeuvres as they are most amusing and insightful.
To your health and continued productivity,
P.S.: If at any time Mr. Kreider and his friends should feel inclined to journey to England, I would be honoured to meet up with them in a pub in London, as I will be commencing my university studies there next year.
P.P.S.: Ms. Phelætia Czochula-Hautpänz, mindig šršmmel tšlt el amikor van szerencsŽm m‡s Magyarorsz‡gon k’vŸli Magyar ajkœval beszŽlnem. Sok sikert Žs tov‡bbi j—kat.
8 July 2007
Maybe you noticed it yourself, if not I'd like to correct some grave mistakes of your webcomic "Science vs. Norse Mythology". Furthermore I'd like to excuse myself for my bad english, I am from Germany. I have been Asatru since the age of 15 and I dislike to see trying to apply irony to norse mythology without getting it right.
Asatru are believers of the norse mythology, and yes, we know that it's completly unlikely and wrong that the world has been built in the way the Edda describes it. In this way we understand the irony our religion represents, we just believe in the standarts and ways of the norse mythology (to die while being active is a lot more honorable as lying down and simply falling into sleep; dont think too much at the wrong time but rather take actions; be friendly and helpful...) I really think that we are a good bit better than christians in that matter since we do not pretend to have immortal-zombie-christs but we rather represent our values directly without trying to lay the things we are to blame for in an invisible entitiys hand.
Damn I got distracted somewhere, oh yes, correcting your irony in your webcomic. Irony should rephrase an original thing by adressing A: the one who can laugh about it, B: the one who knows the fact that is behind it. A sees the weirdness in the case while B doesnt. Well seeing that you horribly extracted the Norse belief I think you might get to know about it. Wouldnt want to walk around ignorantly would we?
1: it was not Odin who slew Ymir, it was Odin and his two brothers Vile and Ve.
2: His eyebrows formed a wall, but not for midgard but for asgard.
3: Yggdrasil connects 9 worlds, not three, Asgard lies in the branches not the roots. The roots lay in Hel, Nifleheim and Muspleheim.
4: Ask not Aske and they didnt form it out of a tree but of driftwood which happend to be ash and elm wood
Hope I do not offend you with my corrections, greetings from a heathen german boy, Alex
8 July 2007
Sorry to hear of your heartbreak. It has been a rough year for a lot of us; who knows what's going on. I hope things look up for you; I've missed seeing your work but I know how it goes. Hang in there!
Stacy in Austin
Thanks for your kind message. I am faintly encouraged to hear it's been a bad year for others as well. It suggests it's Not Just Me. Maybe our ruling planet's gone retrograde, or some such shit.
12 July 2007
Ms. Hautpanz -
I wish to extend my sincere condolences to Mr. Kreider during his unscheduled hiatus. I hope that he is able to return to his work quickly and completely. I believe that his work is a rare voice of sanity in this country; one that I have come to respect and admire.
John Mills, Cincinnati OH
12 July 2007
Hopefully you don't mind a complete stranger using your familiar, but you don't seem like the type who'd get in a twist about it. I'll get straight to the point: I love you man, I absolutely love you. That is, not in the hot sweaty man sex way, but in the "Sweet Jeezus can this man actually be channeling my thoughts" kind of way. Somehow you manage to capture the same sentiments, foibles, pet peeves, elitist tendencies and utter bowel bursting disgust with what passes for government these days. Sometimes you accomplish this so perfectly, that I can only sit and stare at the screen in admiring awe.
As Patton once said of Rommel, "You magnificent Bastard!"
As a complete non-sequitur, I think that you and I even had our hearts avulsed at the bleeding roots by our former girlfriends at the same time. Ah what a fun time that was.
Anyhoo, given your shameless theft of cartoon ideas (kidding) I thought you'd like this one inspired by Johnny Knoxville and the rude gang of Jackass:
The smirking chimp has the Jackass boys as his security detail and, predictably they inflict every manner of painful chumpitude upon the little prick, usually after another of his snotty, fuckfaced press conferences. As a veiled shot at the remaining 3% of retarded Bush supporters, the Chimp seems to keep falling for the old .Boxing Glove Punch in the Face. launched from the "progress" reports on Iraq (spring loaded from his desk), which of course elicits gales of laughter from the boys time and again.
I feel that only your talented pen can capture this unbridled buffoonery in all its glory.
Ps: My daughter lives up in Northeast, and IÕm down in Baltimore Hon, maybe weÕll run into one another one day.
Take care Tim,
20 July 2007
Well, do with this as you like:
The iraq war as a tarbaby / blob that those in the white house cannot get rid of nor shake off. Something like those warner brother's cartoons with the Gremlin where it is always hiding on the shoulder they are not looking over.
20 July 2007
I just stumbled upon the comics by accident. and instead of going out for a swim (its friggin hot round here) i spent all day reading them. every single bit i could find. i loved them and wanted to thank you guys, and i guess mr kreider especially, for all the work you did there.
i figure, it doesnt matter what a complete stranger says... but "never mind grandpa" really really cracked me up in a good way. that one clearly is my favourite. describing why is a little bit too hard, because my english is lacking, and even in my native language i would have a hard time.
i dont know if this is ever going to reach mr kreider, but i cant help it, i gotta say something about that bikeriding guy from the "enemies" section. i wasnt there, so of course i will never know, but isnt there a slight possibility that this guy was just... talking to himself/the voices in his head? i think stranger things have happened ;) it would cheer me up, if i would have taken away one enemy, in exchange for the good read i got.
21 July 2007
They're sedating Bush and then they're sticking something up his ass while Cheney drives. Does anyone else find this somehow ... redundant??? -M. Murphy
24 July 2007
Dear Mr. Kreider,
Thank you for your comic of 7/18/07, "Jesus--Can't We Just Nuke Our Way Outta This?" I enjoy reading your comic every week , but the last panel here sent me into a giggling fit at a time when I particularly needed a laugh. You're a great cartoonist and one of my personal idols, for your political and personal incisiveness, your cross-hatching, and your sublime laziness. Thank you for everything.
25 July 2007
Dear Mr. Kreider,
You know why I keep telling everyone I know that you're the best cartoonist working in America today?
This week's cartoon. That's fucking why.
Get your pasty John-Edwards-looking ass out to Portland sometime, Kreider, Claim it's for a signing at Powell's if you have to. When you do, drop me a line and the beer is on Noah Brand for the duration of your stay. Well, until my money runs out, anyway.
25 July 2007
Firstly, so sorry to see you go, as your presence on Mr. Kreider's website was like the cheering smile of a Congressional Page in the Senate. Secondly, (and I'm not 'coming onto you', as the young people say) why are all Hungarian women so damned attractive, and why do Hungarian men all look like they should be living under a bridge and scaring goats? (I ask this as I am familiar with several Hungarian guys, and they all look like Ron Jeremy stand-ins...)
Finally, tell Mr. Kreider to cheer up! John Edwards may still need a stand-in in the future, the Bush cabal'll be gone by 2009, and he's got some fans spreading the word of his Dumarier-like talents up here in Canada...
26 July 2007
Dear Ms. Czochula-Hautpanz,
I have just recently been introduced to The Pain, and have spent the last couple of days greedily devouring all the archived webcomics and their oft-equally-amusing, not to mention outraged, accompanying artist's statements. Mr. Kreider's work has managed to cheer me at a fairly unpleasant and low point of my existence. As an aspiring fiction writer myself, I am deeply envious of that kind of talent, though the education and cultural experience that provide Mr. Kreider with so many tools with which to skewer the preposterousness of modern existence seem to be distinctly double-edged in nature, as they also provide an all-too-transparent and rational window through which to view the atrocities the current U.S. Administration and its associated cronies, lackeys, owners, hangers-on, and religious nutcase supporters have foisted upon the rest of the planet; with a view like that, I am amazed, quite frankly, that Mr. Kreider has managed to maintain even the thinnest shred of sanity and hasn't long since been committed to an asylum somewhere screaming incoherently about rutabagas.
I suppose I am lucky, in that I'm Canadian and am thus one or two steps removed from the worst of the Bush Administration's follies; fortunately, our own neocon backlash seems to be contained, for the moment at least, and the issue of gay marriage has, finally and irrevocably, been put beyond their grasping, ignorant clutches by our Supreme Court. But I cannot help but sympathize desperately with Americans like Mr. Kreider; watching the neocon dominance of the last few years from inside the bubble must be horrific at the best of times. Ms. Hautpanz, please let Mr. Kreider know that he's welcome to come north of the forty-ninth and sample some of the local beer here anytime (the beer would, of course, be on my dime), should he need a brief vacation from the twisted funhouse of the U.S.A.; naturally, his various friends and colleagues from the League of Indecency, and of course you yourself, are also welcome. Given that I have experience with clinical depression (currently medicated, thank you very much), I may, perhaps, be able to assist Mr. Kreider with his own fits of (apparently) demented and outraged mania.
Incidentally, one of the possible side-effects of antidepressants is (I will put this as delicately as possible) sexual dysfunction, but thankfully, I have discovered that I have evaded this particular complication -- a discovery I made while reading your bio and viewing the accompanying pictures on The Pain's website. So thank you for that, although the discovery does, unfortunately, remind me of my own pitifully and terminally single status. I will go take a cold shower now.
Best wishes to Mr. Kreider on his continued work and (hopefully) sanity, and to you as well, Ms. Hautpanz. I am, unfortunately, desperately unilingual, but I look forward to the upcoming debut of your first work in English; your substitute comic for this week of The Pain displays, again, artistry that I cannot but envy. May you both find continued success.
P.S. Yes, that is my real name, and I have heard all the jokes.
26 July 2007
My dearest intern,
My goodness! Your comic strip posted on the 25th was more then satisfactory. Though I am a big fan of Tim (I have emailed before with my concern for his health and my undying adoration for him) I am VERY pleased to finally get a taste of your art and sense of your humor. It was a real pleasure to get some insight into your mind and life. By the way I think your extremely beautiful, I hope you don't mind a talentless college dyke's admiration!
Have a good day, go ahead and kick the cat. Animals get over things easily. Lucky animals.
27 July 2007
I hope your lovely and talented assistant Ms. Czochula-Hautpþnz will not take offense that I'm circumventing her and sending this directly to you. I worried that she wouldn't grasp the sublime beautiful wrongness of the attached photo and instead either delete it out of hand as unwanted pornography, or upon examining it, think me some sort of cosplay enthusiast and therefore unworthy of your consideration.
Judging from you comics and author's comments of late you're not feeling great (and pardon my midwestern upbringing for understatement) and have lost some of the verve that drew you into cartooning in shadowy years past. I was moved to write you by this week's edition of The Pain (7/25/07). Ms. C-H's cartoon reminded me much of your own style put through the filter of German expressionist cinema. Ms. C-H's wonderfully fluid limbs and the grim expression of the hateful cat brought a smile to my lips; the image of you on her computer monitor weeping with what appears to be Kermit the Frog (perhaps in flagrante delicto?) brought me grief in equal measure.
While I very much hope that The Pain will continue on at least through the end of the Bush/Cheney presidency (if not further), my greater hope is that you find some solace (whether via cartooning or whatever) and joy. Your work has brought myself and many others great amusement and, at times, comfort during what has been a relentlessly shitty chapter in this nation's history and I appreciate that greatly; I don't think that you owe anyone anything more than you are willing or able to do however, despite the protests of some of your fans. The Pain is a gift, not a geas and if you're not enjoying it anymore.... well, I think you catch my drift.
As previously mentioned, my gift to you is the attached image of four men replicating several members of the "Challenge of the Superfriends" era Legion of Doom. It is possible you've seen this before, as I shared it several years previous w/ Pain featured player Boyd White; if that is the case, sorry for rehashing an old bit. Otherwise, I hope this adds a bit of cheer to your day.
Shantih, shantih, shantih
29 July 2007
I'd like to take the opportunity to comment on your recent guest cartoon for Mr Kreider and its comments.
If, as it seems, you are intent on departing for Europe, I think we, the readers of The Pain, will regret it immensely. While your grasp of English is a bit tentative, I think we all admire your dedication to Mr Krider, even in his time of gloom.
As for your problems with the hateful cat, as you call her, well....I suppose as a one-time cat owner, that perhaps the cat is feeling a bit jealous of you. But take heart, the way to a cat's heart is, as always, through the stomach. Perhaps a bit of tuna may work?
A direct remark to Mr Kreider, if I may: please do not ever depict Kermit the Frog in your work again. We're all getting VERY concerned for you. Not that I dislike
Kermit or any other Muppet, but as the song says, there is a time and place for everything - and Jim Henson characters are not, at least for now, well placed in your work.
Be seeing you,
30 July 2007
If it makes you feel any better, I think you're real.